Wednesday was a good night for men who wear makeup. Not only did Ryan Seacrest continue to validate his existence with that snide tone he only adopts when plugging sponsors, a ridiculously eyeliner-ed David Cook took home title of this year’s “American Idol.” (All those tears and no smears? Please give Paula some pointers for next season.)

So if David Cook won, does that mean that young Archuleta’s been ruptured up to the heavens, smuggled out of the country by his overbearing father, or disqualified for secretly being 12-years-old? No, he just lost—and by a hefty margin, too. This season’s sinking ratings didn’t stop “Idol” voters from breaking records with 97.5 million votes—56 percent of which went to Cook. Such a deciding vote would not have been surprising against the likes of, say, Justin Guarini, but not lil' Archuleta. The judges agreed that last night was his coronation. At least he has his Guitar Hero III endorsement to comfort him...

Like the seventh season itself, the finale was long-winded, product placement-heavy and... underwhelming. No real surprises to speak of, but a few of the celebrity duets made up for George Michael’s bizarre hand motions during his performance. Seal and Syesha took the cake (as would Seal paired with anyone), and even Brooke White’s redeeming duet with Graham Nash tugged a few heartstrings. “American Idol” has always done a good job of bringing it full circle, so it’s fitting that Renaldo Lapuz return for another incoherent rendition of his song “Brothers Forever” that he first treated us to back during the first round of auditions. Any excuse to bring out a collegiate marching band is just fine with us!

And now we come to the end of May. The wide, opportunity-filled months of summer are just around the corner, but all we can think about is that vacuous hole growing in our heart that won’t be full again for another eight months—that part of our soul specially reserved for the show we’re not even sure we like but can't stop watching. Till 2009, America.

You will be prompted to register or log in when posting.

Comment

Please note that by clicking on "Post Comment" you acknowledge that you have read the Terms of Service. Be polite. Inappropriate posts may be removed by the moderator.