TV Gossiper!

If it’s un-American to be more excited about the season premiere of “Gossip Girl” than all of this convention pomp and circumstance, then we’ll just have to pledge allegiance to the tube instead. Premiere week has arrived, and with it, an extra awesome dose of TV gossip!

5. Paula and Randy Start Updating Their Resumes
Unless you live under a particularly thick rock, you probably heard that “American Idol” is shaking things up for the upcoming eighth season with an additional judge. Kara DioGuardi, a Grammy-nominated songwriter who’s worked with some of pop music’s biggest acts, will presumably bring coherent and unscripted criticism when she joins the team—something we haven’t gotten from Simon, Paula or Randy since season two. Fox reps claim this move is merely fulfilling their intentions of having a fourth judge from the start (seriously?), but we’re guessing it’s one season’s notice for Paula or Randy. It couldn’t last forever, dawgs.

4. ABC Falls For “Cupid,” Tries to Save Alyssa Milano
ABC opted to renew the bulk of their new shows from the 2007 season, so the network isn’t bringing much to the table this fall. (The only new scripted series on their schedule is Brit remake “Life on Mars.”) Mid-season is a different story. Five shows getting the pick-up include “Veronica Mars” creator Rob Thomas’s second go at his failed ‘90s series “Cupid” (starring Bobby Cannavale) and others led by TV vets like Nathan Fillion, Alyssa Milano and Amber Tamblyn. And in case the winter schedule has a few holes in it, ABC is still holding onto a few other pilots, including Alicia Silverstone’s “Bad Mother’s Handbook.”

3. So You Think You Can Dance With The Stars?
Ratings juggernaut “Dancing with the Stars” returns in T-minus three weeks, and the series’ seventh cast of has-beens and wannabes is officially confirmed. Kim Kardashian, Cloris Leachman and Toni Braxton are among the thirteen contestants, but the exiting news here is one of the new pros. ABC announced that season three “So You Think You Can Dance” finalist  will partner with former *NSYNC-er (and current fame whore) Lance Bass. Boy band vets go far on that show, so expect to see a lot of him. We wish we could say the same for the poor sap teamed up with Rocco DiSpirito…

2. Phelps TV Domination Plans Fall Into Place
At long last, an excuse to talk about Michael Phelps! The aquatic Olympian just nabbed the hosting honors for the “Saturday Night Live” September 13 season-opener. We predict he’ll come a few laughs shy of Peyton Manning but miles ahead of the torturously awkward Nancy Kerrigan on the entertaining athlete scale. Phelps is also set to show up on the season premiere of “Oprah” and at next week’s MTV Video Music Awards. Expect to reach your fill of him in mid-October when he appears as himself on the new season of “Entourage.”

1. The Only Thing Scarier Than the Smoke Monster
They moved the damn island, and she still found them. Michelle Rodriguez, who played the epically annoying Ana Lucia in the second season of “Lost,” is headed back to the series. Details remain foggy (aka: nonexistent), but expect the one-off cameo to take place in the upcoming season’s second episode and in one of the characters’ minds. Few things are certain in the "Lost"-verse, but we know there are two quick ways to die and stay dead: multiple bullet wounds and a DUI from the Hawaii PD.